The Way We Dress And Men
Recently I wrote a post which looked at the question, “does it matter how we dress?”
Towards the end, I mentioned that it would be good to follow up and think on the effect that our dress as women may have on our male friends, guys at church, and men in general.
A few weeks ago I was involved in a programme about Christian singleness. All sorts of themes came up including sexuality, and in particular, the challenge of lust and temptation for Christian men who are trying to honour God in their lives, as well as honouring the women around them.
Shane made the following comment on this theme, “temptation is challenging as a Christian single guy. Unfortunately it is everywhere. It’s on TV, in the movies, on the magazine stands, billboards, in the bars, clubs and at work; pretty much in every aspect of your life. The practical steps are to try and block as much out of it as you can i.e. keep walking passed the magazine stand, change the channel on the TV …”
Obed added to this by pointing out that this struggle was very real for married Christian men too, and described the effect that provocative images of women everywhere has on men, “… what happens is during the day you are constantly getting fed, getting fed, getting fed … that lust side of you is getting fed, and it gets strong. You know, there’s this Scripture in Romans that talks about [making] no provision for the flesh at all … it’s hard in this day and age, that is why I say there are so many young Christian guys that are struggling with this and it’s about time the Church does something about it and brings it in the open.”
What I am learning is the gravity of this struggle for our male Christian friends and loved ones. As women, our ‘wiring’ is generally very different from men, and so it may not be an issue that we have ever really engaged with before, and the extent to which this struggle effects men may actually come as a surprise. But if the pervasiveness of provocative images of women is something that causes the men in our lives to struggle, then perhaps it is something that we as Christian women can seek God about, and do everything possible in terms of the way we present ourselves not to add to the problem.
I read for example the account of one man who described the way that even women in an office context wearing very tight or low-cut blouses is actually something very difficult for him. This may be something we have never even been aware of before, but the reason this man gave, as well as other men, is that such tops can actually be very revealing and we may not know it.
I have also come across other accounts given by Christian guys who have the hope that the struggle won’t be as difficult in a church setting, anticipating perhaps that Christian women will choose more understated clothing. They actually find though that the struggle is not very different from anywhere else, and go on to describe the conflicted feelings this creates for them as well as emotions such as guilt and shame.
Naturally we have freedom as Christian women when it comes to the way we dress, and that is great, but I guess for me, as I have become more aware of this struggle that seemingly most guys have, it has added to my desire to be understated and modest (but hopefully still enjoying nice clothes too!) in what I wear.
The Bible says for example, “therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to stumble in our brother’s way” (Romans 14:13). What a beautiful thought, that instead of putting a “stumbling block” in the way of Christian men in this area, who are really trying to honour God and dignify us as women, we can help with this and actually point the way to God in terms of how we present ourselves.
Another helpful verse I find is “we then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbour for his good, leading to edification (building up)” (Romans 15:1-2). One thing I love about loving God is that He asks us to care about one another, and to “carry each other’s burdens,” and to actively look for ways to bless each other and help each other grow in our faith. What a beautiful pursuit – to seek to enhance the faith of those around us in what we say and what we do, and for me, in this context, in what I wear.
*Thanks to Shane and Obed for allowing their quotes in this post
thank you.