We Cannot Separate
I hope you had a Christmas that was happy and that there was something about the day that helped you feel closer to your loved ones and to God. I was pretty surprised about how mine turned out. Usually Michael and I try to go away to be with family in New Zealand or Germany, but that didn’t work out this year. So it was just going to be the two of us here in London. Because I love to celebrate events, I was a little concerned that the day would simply feel like a weekend at home with nothing special to set it apart. But that is not what happened at all.
Maybe I should start by giving you some background. For the past few months I’ve been going through a difficult time with my faith. I never anticipated this kind of struggle as I have always loved God intensely. But there we go. It’s been an extremely conflicted time with me asking God a lot of questions and wrestling with things in my heart. God’s call is a high one and a beautiful one, to maintain purity and truth of heart, the deepest part of who we are, by His grace. I never want to compromise that and I never want anything fake with God, but that is where a big part of this struggle has been.
There is something big I must lay down so that my heart is uncompromised toward Him, and yet I do not have the faith at the moment to believe that He will be sufficient. That He has something better for me anyway according to Jeremiah 29:11. Because I am so aware of Him all the time, and I love Him, it’s been a conflicted, unsettling time. It has also taught me so much about His grace. That in such yuck times, we can throw ourselves upon His very amazing grace. That we truly are broken, weak vessels with nothing to boast of in ourselves – our confidence is only in Him and His goodness.
So, back to Christmas. In the morning, we ventured out in the grey and the rain to church for the Christmas service. I can’t explain it other than that God used that service to usher me into His presence in a profound kind of way. I spent the whole day so very aware of Him and I don’t remember experiencing Him so intensely any other Christmas. I was so blessed by a Christmas day, a celebration of Jesus’ birth, where He was such a focus for me. It was great.
One other thing I wanted to share is about this song I’ve been listening to on my I-Pod and on YouTube over and over and over again on a loop, during this hard time with God. It’s called Never Alone by Barlow Girl. It just keeps catching me for God and reminding me of the union I have with Him. This one part in particular –
And though I cannot see You
And I can’t explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You’ve placed in my life
We cannot separate,
‘Cause You’re part of me
And though You’re invisible, I’ll trust the unseen …
Is that not so beautiful? As Christians we believe that the Holy Spirit indwells us when we repent of sin, and give our lives to God, and consciously invite Him into our hearts. I love that. That when we do that, we are joined to Him spiritually. That is when we truly experience God. With intimacy. With reality. So in spite of hard times, we cannot be separated from Him, because He is part of us.
This song is below. I hope it blesses you too. Especially if you are experiencing something difficult, or have even walked away from God. This song makes me cry too (like O Holy Night just below). But then my emotions are on steroids most of the time (he, he, he).
We cannot separate; ‘cause You’re part of me.
Birgit, I love this song,too. It is so beautiful and true. I have the whole CD.
When we pursue intimacy with the Lord, He perfects holiness in us, and that means, anything that is not pure has to go. For me, this process is like standing on a cliff edge knowing that I need to jump and knowing that He will catch me but not knowing when he will or how. It is a leap of faith and a certain amount of suffering before the joy and peace settle in. I wrestle, not because I don’t want intimacy with God but because I don’t like pain and don’t want to suffer. That’s when I “count the cost”: temporary pain and suffering versus eternal joy and peace and union with my Lord. Yes, I always choose Him because I believe “we cannot separate” but it is not easy and does not get easier for me. Thanks for sharing this part of your journey with us Birgit!
It is good that we can be transparent with each other. We all struggle from time to time. It is always good to remind ourselves that it is not self-righteousness we look at but faith -righteousness. In other words it is not what we DO but what Jesus DID. This is his amazing and uncondional love towards us no matter what! It is easier to respond when you know this in your heart.
I owe alot of my understaning about the above to a guy called Andrew Wommack he had an experience and revelation of Gods love years ago whilst in all places the Vietnam war.(www.awmi.net)
Thankyou Birgit for your inspiration also you are a beautiful writter and a good communicator. Everything is always presented so pleasing to the eye. He will never let you go and wants to walk hand in hand with you. You are loved and treasured.
Hi, this year, in contrast to all others like yours, we spent Christmas on our own, praying to God that He will use this time to His Glory.
Then, we did not attend a service. But God is faithful, and most of all, lovingly patient. Petrus, Johan and I went our for a walk after a late lunch, and later that evening, around a Cheese Platter, prayed, challenged each other in God’s grace and share our hearts. God was so present, we only went to bed at 2/3am! Thank God.
Love your testimony, and respect the place where you are at. It will bring Glory to his Name, you just have to keep striving to His Holiness that you so love. Rom 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.
Carol’s simbol of the cliff edge reminded me of this lesson: A man walked on the edge of a steep cliff in the dark, it was freezing cold. A strong wind suddenly came and blew him over the edge. Miraculously, he opened his eyes, founding himself clinging to the trunk of a small tree. It was pitch-black outside, he couldn’t distinguish between the open spaces and the cliff. Thankful, but desperate, he cried: ‘O God, help me!’. Immediately God responded, ‘Jump!’, He said. ‘But I’m going to die!’ ‘Do you trust Me?’ ‘Yes, of course!’ ‘Then jump’. But the man couldn’t. The next day rescuers found the frozen body, on a the same trunk, 20 inches above the ground.
Birgy,
If all you can do right now is rest in His grace then so be it. Sometimes we just need to marinate in His presence to find the strength and motivation to want to change. Just keep soaking and He will fill you. I hope these scriptures are of some encouragement:
“But if from there, you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the LORD your God and obey him. For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath.” Deuteronomy 4:29-31
“I am the LORD your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt; Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. But My people would not heed My voice, And Israel would have none of Me. So I gave them over to their own stubborn heart, To walk in their own counsels.” Psalm 81:10-12
Hi, Thanks so much to each of you for your lovely and thoughtful replies. I really appreciate it.
Susanne, I love the heart that Barlow Girl has towards God and it’s great that you have the whole CD to enjoy!
Carol,I loved the picture of the cliff you gave and how trusting God is so often like that - and also the reminder that the peace and joy of God follow the sense of pain that comes with laying something down in our pursuit of intimacy with Him.
Wendy,thank you for your gracious heart and for your love and encouragement and reminder of His unconditional love. It is so freeing knowing our God love us so much.
Desire, so happy for you about your lovely, God and family-focused Christmas. Thanks too for mentioning God’s promise to us of Romans 8:28 - That He will use ALL things, including our struggles for our good, and ultimately, for His glory.
And Sands, WOW, amazing verses from God straight to my heart - that we find Him when we search for Him with all of our heart, that we will return and obey Him and He is so merciful with us. And also, “open your mouth wide, and I will fill it” - amazing picture of the fulfilment and satisfaction He gives. May we each experience the reality of that.
Thanks once again to each of you, love you, Birgit XO