Appearance and Identity
Have you had the experience of your mood being affected by looking in the mirror and seeing something that you really dislike? Seeing something in your appearance that actually causes you to feel frustrated, down or angry even, and has the power to change your mood and the way you feel about yourself. For some, that might sound extreme or an over-reaction, for others, it’s something all too familiar.
Maybe you’re OK with the way you look. Maybe you keep up with a strict gym or jogging regime, or a particular way of eating that you don’t deviate from. But what happens if something were to break your routine? Maybe a holiday away where there is no possibility of exercise or hope of calorie control, maybe an injury or perhaps even pregnancy?
What I’m getting at here is this idea of basing identity – who we are, and how we feel about ourselves – on the way we look. The trap of only feeling acceptable when we have met a certain outward standard.
For those of us who have been ensnared in this trap, and for those of us who are currently living it, we know exactly how miserable it is. So just to touch on a few reasons why this can be a problem.
Yesterday, I mentioned the verse in Ecclesiastes which talks about “labouring after the wind” Ecclesiastes 5:16. It’s a really interesting term because It seems to refer to working and striving towards something that is, by its nature, always out of reach. If something is always out of our reach, why would we spend our energy, creativity and focus on it? We wouldn’t!
So why then do we strive after an impossible ideal of physical beauty? And it is impossible for the majority of us. I came across statistic once that said of the three billion women in the world, only eight are super-models! Aside from the role that genetics plays, the majority of us do not have the time or the resources to afford the personal trainers, the stylists, the time at the gym, the time at the salon, and sometimes even the cosmetic “enhancements” that go into achieving our cultural ideal of beauty.
But even if we do achieve something close to this, it’s shaky ground to base the way we feel about ourselves on it because physical beauty wanes. God tells us that “beauty is fleeting” Proverbs 31:30 and that “all flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades” Isaiah 40:6-7.
The natural process of aging obviously affects the way we look, but so do the many other wonderful seasons of life – the blemish marks of the teenage years, the stretch marks from our growing babies! Scars of illness or accidents along the way are also possible ways that our physical appearance might change.
Physical change is inevitable as we go through life and age, and so to base our identity on such a transitory ideal, is setting ourselves up for disappointment and dissatisfaction.
I love the perspective that God gives us in scripture. I love that He has answers for us and His heart towards us is to see us free, joyful, and enjoying the way He individually created us. I can’t wait to look into this more in the next few days …
Thanks for a very thoughtful, provoking post. While I know the truth of spiritual reality vs. physical reality, I’m still underwhelmed when I look at my 54 year old self. My facebook picture is from 1972 for that very reason. This is obviously something I need to look at more honestly, so thanks again!
Blessings,
Mary
PS. I meant to ask, what version is the Scripture in your header? Very compelling! Cheers, Mary
Hi Mary, it’s really lovely to hear from you. It’s such a hard thing isn’t it, I’ve found it so hard at times to remind myself of the freedom there is with God in this area, and not feel ‘underwhelmed’ as you say, with one thing or another I see in the mirror
It’s something I’m sure lots of us women can relate to 
Lots of blessings to you.
It’s the Message version in the header
Birgit, thank you for this. I do not know a woman that does not struggle with this one degree or another. Satan has used this issue more than any other to torment me. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free and He will make us inwardly and outwardly beautiful, in His time. Thank you, LORD!
Hi Birgit, it is true that our identity is often linked to our appearance. When I was a personal trainer, it was all about image. People chose you because of the way you look. It is all very superficial but still you succumb to the pressure. In that way I’m thankful I’m not in the industry anymore but that ‘ideal’ remains.
What made me sad though during that time was that I had ladies who could not look at themselves in the mirror. We trained in front of a mirror and some of them would just look anywhere but the mirror. It always made me so sad and I always wanted to tell them that they are beautiful. Because isn’t it funny how we hold ourselves up to such a high standard, but we can quite easily see the beauty in others without really even noticing the flaws?
Which is something that took me a long time to learn: An attractive person may make a good first impression but once you spend any time at all with someone, it is a person of great character, or maturity, or kindness or even intelligence who really captures our attention and we barely notice the way they look.
So good character is far harder to build, we should probably spend more time on that… And all the time we spend on perfecting our outward appearance probably is just ‘a chasing after the wind’ as you say. But even if we learn this truth, our actions will quite possibly prove that we don’t really believe it in our hearts. So we continue in our pursuit of outward beauty. Only God can really set us free.
For some reason, I can’t click on “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” to make a comment? But anyway, I wanted to say that I just loved it… So comforting! What an encouraging reminder that we don’t have to sweat it; we can just relax in the Lord and the way we are made by His loving hands! Thanks for writing this!
~Cyndi
God Nuggets Blog
Hi Tawny, it’s so true what you say, it really does seem that most women are affected by this, and so often feel bad about ourselves for not fitting with the ‘ideal.’ But I love what you say here about there being freedom with Jesus. Although we still may feel the pressure to look a certain way, the Holy Spirit ministers to us at a deeper level that we have infinite value and beauty in His eyes, and can feel joy in knowing this. God bless, friend
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Rain, your comment made such an impression. Particularly the part about some of the precious women you trained with feeling unable to look at themselves in the mirror as they worked out. It just struck me how sad it is that we can feel such disappointment or consciousness about the way we look, and how deeply these feelings can go. And it’s so true what you say, that we can learn the truth in God that “beauty is fleeting” Prov.31:30 and “what matters is not your outer appearance” 1 Pet.3:3, but that we may not grasp hold of the freedom in these words from the Bible, that we may still “succumb to the pressure” as you say. For those of us who do struggle with this pressure, may God work deeply in our hearts with the peace and freedom His Spirit brings.
I love hearing your thoughts and experiences Rain, love and blessings to you.
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Hi Cyndi, thanks so much for letting me know about the trouble you had clicking on the recent post, and I so appreciate you leaving a reply here instead, and your lovely encouragement
So often in this area it can feel like a tug of war I find, between our cultural ‘ideal’ and what God says, but without fail, when I rest in God’s words and in His perspective there is such peace. As His creation, we are each works of art, and infinitely special!
Thanks for your thoughts here and lots of blessings to you.