I had a big work event today, one of those times where you really hope to be bright eyed and clear.

The trouble is, I really wasn’t.

Everyday things seemed to get in the way of me feeling ready.

Yesterday, the time I had set aside for preparation went out the window when something unexpected came up, swallowing all of my time, then a bad night’s sleep, and I can’t generally string a sentence together when I’ve had a night without sleep, so I got out of bed feeling frayed and tentative about what the day would hold.

But in the middle of this very ordinary experience, God revealed something which has staggered me.

I got off the bus, on my way to the event, realising the full weight of how ill equipped I was.

God has been teaching me a lot about what it means to be living in His grace recently, really free in His grace, and in those moments just before, I realised His grace is all I had (and that it’s all I ever have).

But as I spoke out His promise in my heart, My grace is sufficient for you 2 Cor. 12:9, I felt His Spirit ask me the question, But will you trust that it is sufficient for you?

Will I trust that His grace is sufficient?

So often, I have clung with tight fists to this hope that God will come through for me in a situation. God, You have to help me, I can’t do this without You. Please give me Your grace. The thing is though, the minute I’ve spoken out this kind of prayer, I go straight back to the nerves and the stress and the worry, as if I were facing the situation all on my own.

What God revealed to me in that moment though is this: will you trust Me? Will you let this go to Me? Will you release this to Me?

It was like holding the worry to my heart, and then drawing it away, looking up, and holding it out to Him to take from me.

It was risking.

It was not knowing.

It was a confident expectation in Him.

It was faith.

And you know what? It all worked out. Better, actually, than I could have imagined. Better, than the other times I have been in this particular situation. And it was all Him.

My example could not have been more routine, but this realisation of His faithfulness has been so inspiring and so freeing for me today. Maybe there is something in your life right now, maybe something very different, a relationship, a problem at work, a situation that seems hopeless, and maybe the Lord would ask you the same,

Will you trust Me? Will you let this go to Me? Will you release this to Me?

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us ~ Ephesians 3:19-20 (The Message).

I came to the end of a day of writing yesterday, made some tea, and sat down with a book.

It’s this beautiful book, all about God’s grace, and His love.

The words made an impression on me at times, and I felt as if this was God. As if it were Him showing me things through this book, about the gravity of His love for us, about the tenderness He feels.

There is this verse in Isaiah that speaks of God giving to us riches from the secret places, and treasures from the darkness (Isaiah 41:23), and for some reason I thought of this, as if He were reaching into the deep, and drawing forth such beauty for me to meditate on.

When I sat down to try and write about all of this late last night, the words wouldn’t come. This is not the first time I’ve felt stopped in the past months, really wanting to write my book, or write in my blog, or minister to a friend in some way, and yet nothing comes.

And so, frustrated, I asked God about it.

And He gave me a picture.

He drew an image to mind of a cave that Michael and I visited three summers ago. It was a cave on the island of Kefalonia in Greece.

To get to this cave, we travelled down a dark path under the ground, and at the end of it came to this scene which is one of the most breathtaking I can remember. It was a lake under the ground.

Far beneath the mountains of this island, and a forest of trees above, was this dark and hidden grotto, and this reservoir of water, hidden and deep.

We travelled out onto the lake in a little boat, the colour of it was like nothing I had ever seen. It was the colour of the sky, but even more brilliant. The most perfect aqua.

As we sat out on the water, a shaft of light broke through, and the lake literally shone.

The memory of it is etched in my mind, and heart.

As I sat with the image of this cave and this water, I felt as if God were showing me a picture of our hearts.

I felt as if He were showing me a picture of doing a deep and hidden work, His light reaching into the deepest parts of us.

His Spirit bringing healing, revelation or rest to those places of need inside us.

That we may be focused on greater output, but He is focused on greater input, and so He draws us away with Him for days, or weeks, or even years. To the outside it may seem as if we are not ‘doing’ as much, but that is OK, because we are exactly where God would have us. His light resting on the hiddenness of our hearts, His Spirit ministering, strengthening, refreshing.

And so He works with tenderness and grace within us, and we are transformed. And as the light shines on the water, and it is radiant, so we are made beautiful in His light, our lives radiant with His glory.

*The lake is called Melassani, in Greek mythology, the cave of the nymphs.

At the weekend I was invited onto Premier Christian Radio here in the UK to share a testimony in the area of body image and exercise addiction. 

A number of years ago, I lost just under 30 lbs (around 13 kg) over a ten week period through extreme dieting and exercise. Given that I wasn’t particularly overweight to start with, this was a lot.

In the interview I share about the extreme measures I went to. The rigid ‘rules’ I held myself to regarding food and exercise, and the physical and psychological consequences of this. In particular this feeling that being thin was really important, and of effectively being captive to a prison of rules I had imposed on myself, and the guilt and failure and frustration that set in if I ever deviated from these.

I became a Christian over this time, so I also share about the journey I went on with God in this area. That He is actually interested in every area of our lives, including our body image, where it is that we find our identity, and our health and well-being. I learnt that He desires us to be free in our lives, joyful, at rest in Him, and in the knowledge that we are infinitely precious in His sight, just as we are.

So if you’d like to listen – then just click on this link:

http://www.premierradio.org.uk/listen/ondemand.aspx?mediaid=%7BDAB4FFEE-658E-4596-BD0C-C52A210EC68B%7D

The interview is about 24 minutes long, and it was part of the Saturday morning ‘Big Breakfast Show’ with Rev. Tony Miles on Premier.  At the start we chat about mobile phones for a bit because that was the theme on the programme that morning

If you do get to listen, then do come back and let me know your thoughts. I’d also love to know whether you relate, whether this has ever been a struggle for you, what God has revealed in this area, or generally whether health and fitness is an important focus in your life

Join me here in the morning!

I’ve been invited onto Premier Christian Radio here in the UK to share my testimony about a struggle with Body Image in my late teens and the extreme measures I took to lose weight at that time.

I’ll be sharing about how easy it is to take health and fitness to extremes, with it even becoming addictive, and some of the physical and psychological consequences of this, giving examples from my own life.

It was through encountering God, and growing in my relationship with Him, that things changed for me. He allowed me to see the trap that this focus had become. I’d be lying if I said that I still didn’t feel the pull of this influence to look a particular way at times, but I have been set free of the hold it once had, with a very different view of it all now. God has taught me so much, through His Word and by His Spirit.

I am passionate about communicating how precious each of us is in His sight. Immeasurably loved Eph.3:19. Cherished. Delighted in Zeph.3:17. Rejoiced over Zeph.3:17. The apple of His eye Psalm 17:8.

Do join us if you can. It’s an early start – 8am UK time for about an hour I think. It’s called ‘The Big Breakfast Show,’ and you can listen live on the website by clicking here and then on the ‘Listen Live’ sign in the top right corner.

Lots of blessings to you, have a wonderful weekend!

The voice of condemnation is one that crushes us.

It is the voice that reminds us of our past, and the things we would rather forget, and we taste shame.

It is the voice of accusation, charging us with ways we have failed God, failed others, failed ourselves, and guilt weighs in on us.

It is the voice of theft, snatching away our hope that change is possible, stealing our confidence when it is needed most, and we quietly withdraw, fragile and unsure.

There was a woman who knew condemnation well.  Her story is told in John 8, and this is the picture I have of it.

She was brought before Jesus, and a crowd of people, and her shame was uncovered for all to see.

The voices of accusation were deafening, and she cowered, crushed under the weight, terrified of her judgement.

In the midst of this jeering and finger-pointing and her painful humiliation, Jesus stood, and went to her side.

He silenced the voices that condemned her.

One by one, her accusers dispersed until she was left alone with this Man, Jesus.

She knew His authority, and she knew her own guilt. She could scarcely breathe, let alone look at Him for fear of what He would say to her.

But He was the One to speak, and He spoke with tenderness and kindness, as if He saw through the veil of her sin to the aching on the inside of her.

“I do not condemn you” were His words to her. “Go, and sin no more” John 8:11.

“I do not condemn you” He said.

Later, Jesus would be crucified on a cross at Calvary, and He would do this to take her sin, and ours, upon Himself, bearing in His own body the penalty for that sin.

He did not condemn her, and He does not condemn us, but instead chose to be condemned on our behalf, so that we could be free. Free before God, and free from the torment of guilt and shame.

God had Christ, who was sinless, take our sin so that we might receive God’s approval through Him 2 Cor. 5:21.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him John 3:17.

Jesus released this woman from condemnation in that moment, and through His death on the cross, He releases each one of us from the same. The choices we regret, the sins no one sees, the shame that sometimes paralyses us, Jesus knows, and He loves, and He has taken it all upon Himself. And ‘It is finished’ John 19:30 He said.

He was condemned, so that we don’t have to be. At all. Not by God, or by ourselves, and the many ways we may tell ourselves we have failed.

May we take to heart this freedom we have been given. May it be life to us, and healing to us when the voice condemnation tries to poison us, and hurt us. You are loved, and God is gracious and compassionate Psalm 103:8.

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus Rom.8:1.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free Gal.5:1.

I hope the New Year has started well for you.

I came across this beautiful account today, of a parable that Jesus gave about the kingdom of heaven:

“Or, the kingdom of heaven is like this: a merchant spends his whole life searching for fine pearls; yet when he finds a pearl of perfect purity, he sells all that he has and buys that single jewel and counts himself perfectly content.” *

And counts himself perfectly content.

This part is the part I’ve been thinking about. 

It challenged me because there have been times when I haven’t always felt this kind of contentment in God. The deep, quiet, rich kind, I mean. Like a well of life deep on the inside of you. I’ve lost sight of it a little. Looked around a bit unsettled, a bit restless, as if something else could satisfy more. I’ve forgotten.

But these words of Jesus inspired me to remember.

We are heirs of the kingdom of God James 2:5.

We have been given something of the greatest possible treasure, the greatest possible purpose Matt 6:33, and the greatest possible promise 2 Tim. 2:12.

It is such a privilege, and there is such abundance.

One of my resolutions for this year is to keep growing in this perspective, and in choosing to be content in Him.

*Ref: Wangerin, W, The Book of God (1996, Lion, Oxford) 652

Today is the last day of the year. A new year, and even a new decade wait for us.

Even though I believe that change is possible at any moment, and that God’s mercy towards us is new every morning, I love the symbolism of a new year. The sense that a line is being drawn between what has been, and what can be. The hope of a new beginning.

Hope seems to be something I’m thinking of a lot at the moment. I mentioned it in my last post, and it’s something I’m taking with me into this new year. It’s the kind of hope that holds onto God no matter what, with the quiet and total conviction, that He is really, really good.

It’s the kind of hope that looks at a valley of dry bones and speaks forth life, and sees the breath of God released (Ezekiel 37).

I came across this beautiful version of Romans 8:28.

“We are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to create something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan” Romans 8:28 (The Voice).

As I sit with my husband tonight, and share a quiet meal, these words are going to be my vision for the new year. In everything, in every experience, in every mistake, in everything, God can create goodness and beauty. Continue in surrender to Him, and love for Him, knowing that our hope in Him will be realised in ways more beautiful, more good, than we ever could have imagined. 

A very blessed and happy 2010 to you, full of God’s presence and love

I hope that you had a really happy Christmas. I hope there were moments where God broke through, and you were reminded of Him, and felt His presence.

For the first time in a long time we didn’t really have a plan for Christmas, and it ended up being one of the best I can remember. We kept things simple really. I even had time to sit down with a book before making the big dinner, which was a first I think! Definitely an hour I enjoyed!

I was just thinking of something that stood out to write about here, and church at Midnight was one.

The peacefulness was the thing I loved most. The darkened church, lit only by clusters of candles and lanterns, and a Christmas tree from floor to ceiling decked with white lights. It was beautiful. Such an atmosphere.

It allowed time to think, about the day we were welcoming in, the moment we were about to celebrate. Christ’s incarnation.

There is so much that this means, God becoming Man and dwelling amongst us. So much God can reveal to us about what this means.

The thing that God has ministered to me most this Christmas is simply to take comfort in knowing this. That God did not leave us, but sent His only Son. God Himself with us. Always. And in that, I can find hope and rest.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

These are photos of a long walk I took this weekend. Winter is beautiful.

Just to add a note about the photos towards the end of the slideshow, these were taken at a local market. You’ll see a crate full of green apples, White Fruit Cake, and some fresh bread which I brought home for lunch. There was also a water fountain in the centre of the court where the village market was. We have had snow recently, and it is so cold that icicles formed off the fountain, and the water froze over, with someone throwing a copper coin onto the surface

I hope you enjoy the photos, God bless …